Intellectual Intimacy

What do you want? Really?


The moments you think you are vulnerable you are not. When you know what you want and it is a manifestation of your self-respect you have nothing to lose but time. It is time, knowledge and communication that must be of utmost significance. I refuse to use the word “value”, because value implies worth like trinkets or a product. The relationship between a man and woman is not an exchange of something you can touch, grasp or control. We think we are in love all the time when we are young, but we know the truth. We learn to embrace disappointment in others, but sadly the problem is not setting a standard for ourselves of not accepting less than we deserve.

To get back from a relationship what you have put into it. To get back from a relationship no less than what we put into ourselves intellectually, spiritually and holistically. We are on the edge of paradigm where there is no room for potential. I ask again what do you really want? Really? Are you prepared for what you want? You need ask yourself are you likable? The world has got so simple, aesthetics beyond the eyes is what we look for and look at. To have a conversation with a potential significant other you need know what color are their eyes. We have always been told men can’t change or women can’t change. This is a fallacy, we can and will change if our life depended on change. Young men and women, have not been taught the connection of time, habits, patterns and rituals.

For 400 + 50 years there has been a lesson of distraction and inhumanity of the intimacy between an African American man and woman. Capitalism without Afrocentric consciousness invites the slow death of Love between a man and woman. The communities cannot have one without the other. I have good friend who said ” for us to change, men… we have to un-learn what this environment, family and the world has taught us”. Take a minute moment to consider that a majority of African American ancestors in the dark days were not brought together by intimacy; it was by commerce. Think about that when you have the necessary skills and knowledge to give love and receive love. The probability of love and success depends on different variables and inputs throughout your life.

When you know who you are and what you are, it becomes innate to know what you want. Furthermore, you know exactly what you need. For too long another “culture” has told us want we need and have many blind to what they want. An example of this is the idea that women should pay on a date. I observe several brothers and sisters chiming in on a social media conversation on this topic initiated by a European, Caucasian man talking to a majority Caucasian female audience. I chimed in stated, “I a am old school Alpha Black man. He is wrong”. If you see the lady of your dreams, if you can only afford Red Lobster or a high-end cuisine, if you are concerned about who is going to pay for lunch, she is not for you, quite frankly you may not be the right man for her. The meal in itself is of insignificance.

If the value of the date is predicated on where you go and who is paying, they are not the one. A date is and interview to gather etiquette, manners, intellectual and spiritual information. You want to know how this person acts in public, how they treat the restaurant staff, who they are and what you do or do not have in common. Aesthetically, you decided these are the eyes you want to communicate with. Now you have to use your God giving senses to decide if the person behind the eyes is who and what they are. A lunch or dinner date is a small investment to determine if this is the person I want to spend my time on earth with. Who pays for the date is irrelevant. The responsibility of the tab is not a problem with grown men. But, it might be a problem for a boy. What are the inputs that determine this?

The inputs are DNA, genetics, environment, education, finances, parents, life experiences, tragedy, achievement, crisis, joy, happiness, travel, mentors, teachers, coaches, religion, family, health and friendship. This collective when tied together neatly is a lifetime happiness with the power to withstand heartache. The dilemma is in a male dominated society some boys transition to manhood with an understanding how these variables influence our decisions. I was told long ago by Professor Willis Sheftall, at Morehouse College that life has costs and benefits. Every choice you make has a significant impact on you, your life and the community around you. We are in a critical time in history where who you select as your significant other will make you a better man or woman.




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